Mixed Feelings

Lately I have been reading the Patrick MacManus book I brought with me. I think that it’s been a good laugh and at least made me think about America more. I know as the days go on I feel a little more tense about tickets and finances and transportation and returning in general. I hope it all goes ok.

I had a dream last night that I was hired as a teacher in America. I remember I was walked into a staff meeting and introduced and it was a very cold feeling. I was dressed in my same old oversized clothes I wear here, while everyone had nice clothes that fit them. I was shown my class of delinquent high schoolers that oozed potential if I could just show them how to fix their flat tires and climb mountains. I remember that my classroom in my dream didn’t really have walls but more like cubical dividers in a gym. Then I was teaching. I was really teaching in my dream and I was having that magic where I had them and they were getting it. I felt great. I missed that feeling and wished I had it here. Then I was overcome with a feeling of not belonging and wanted to be in Africa more than anything. I felt like I was just pretending to fit in America, but I am living and being here.

So this summer I will spend three weeks that will fly by. I won’t see everyone as I need to just relax a little. I hope that at Christmas I will go all over and see everyone with Richard.