African Telephone

The community aspect of living here and enjoying all the joy and the absence of rushing to move ahead in life can at times have its downfalls. This past week I have experienced this. Not only does everyone get into everyone's business they put a twist on it and then they all pick sides. I guess when they tease me that I'm becoming Togolese this applies to my business and their right to be involved in it too.

This is a situation that I will freely share with many of you but I think if I'm posting this I'd like to leave the details out and just focus on the human behavior observations for now. Cultures are so different and well I am trying to decide each day if I will let this hurt consume me. I have to decide if I will share with them and possibly be hurt more or should I keep this thing that many Africans can see happening but they are just looking in and they don't know my story threads that make this tapestry life. So their view has holes and the African telephone is trying to draw me to share and fill in the holes. I know that there are a few who really love me and majority of people jsut wnat entertainment on my behalf. Thus far I've hidden (literally)from people I love and made sure that I speak to very few people. This is hard too as I'm SO verbal and solve problems much better when I speak and talk it out. I can for sure say that I'm growing here and know that I will never be the same after living here. I believe I will be better is many many ways.

Togolese people are great but there are some character traits that I will never understand. One is lying. It's done for many reasons, but its mostly done for sport or entertainment. It can be simple like a shopkeeper not wanting to get up to make change and so he says that he is out of what you want to buy. It can be the Tata at school telling me on Saturday that I can't work in my room because she doesn't have the key just to mess with me. It could be a friend telling me one thing only later to find it is a lie that I am being manipulated with. This risk of placing trust in people and loving them through it can make or break you as a person. A wise friend here has told me that I can pick to accept them and their culture or I can reject it, either way I might be hurt. I will tell you that I'm trying to accept it but my logical American brain is struggling very badly. I know my kids in L.A. would lie to me and I worked through that with them, but this is hard as these people are more my friends and I want them to be my equals, but they are not in many ways. My unfair expectations are also causing a problem I suppose.

Culture here also has double standards and depending on the city and village, or families, friends, men, and women they are expected to act and dress differently. As I transition from the yo-vo (white lady) who teaches at the school to a member of their commuunity I have had so much fun and enjoy the different perspective, but it is clear that I have certain things that I will either learn to change or that I will fight against and lose. This trial is one of those times of refining and making it clear if I'm really apart of the community or if I'm an interloper.